Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
