I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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