I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
