I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
