I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
