from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
