at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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