Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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