I am midnight drunk by noon
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
