In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize