There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
