instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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