I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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