i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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