Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
