Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
