Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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