Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
