that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
