everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
