do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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