Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
