Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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