Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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