his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
