Are we in a gay sports bar?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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