My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
