They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
