Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
