I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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