But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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