I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
