For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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