Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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