im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
