im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
