Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
