I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
