come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
did you just send me my own nude
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
