Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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