Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
