Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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