I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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