I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
