my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
