At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
