Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
