i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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