i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
