I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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