I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
