Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
