hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
