who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
