I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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