If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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