Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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