Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
