i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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