Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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