I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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