theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
