literally had 100 drinks last night.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
