Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Pooping to opera.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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