Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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