There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
