I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
