weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
