now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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