I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
