you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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