u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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