So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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