Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
