chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
