Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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