I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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